My mum died in January 2008 after suffering a stroke 3 years previously. The stroke changed her life forever; she could no longer speak normally and became partially paralysed down one side, her lack of speech caused considerable frustration to her not being able to express herself or join in on conversations anymore. Whilst her vocabulary was limited she would come out with 2 classic phrases - "Hello Darling","Bloody Stupid" and "OI", showing us all that her character was still very much alive.
She was just trapped in her body; we didn't know how much brain damage was caused by the stroke, so when we were conversing with her we didn't know what she could understand. For me, a big part of mum had already died and I hated to watch her suffer as she was a person who had a good sense of humour and fun to be with. She was extremely dignified always putting others before herself. "I don't ever want to be in a position where other people have to look atfer me" she would often say, "I would rather die than suffer". You wouldn't put an animal through so much humiliation or suffering.
Mum's life on earth was not the happiest, living in a loveless marriage for over 30 years. My father had had an affair over that period with another woman. I could never really work out why mum stayed with him as he didn't deserve her loyalty. I guess she must have loved him in her own way, or maybe there was a deep sense of fear. He became a different man leading a double life and treated everyone with sheer contempt.
I'm convinced that my mother's stroke was very much part of her lessons in life; nothing happens by chance or coincidence and it set her free from the day to day anxieties from my father. The nursing home became her home and the nurses and helpers became her extended family. The carers in the home were fantastic and gave her the unconditional love that she had been denied for years.
Even though I was a medium I found, the reality, of my mum's impending death very hard to accept and comprehend. People always think Mediums cope better because they believe in the afterlife; well I can tell you, that is not true as much as it's a comfort you still miss the physical contact and presence terribly.
I wanted to be there for her actual passing and decided, no matter what, I was not going to leave her side. One night as I sat in the small lonely hours beside her, I prayed and asked her soul that she would give me the honour and privilege to watch her passing to the spirit world. I have been told on many occasions in sittings what it's like from the dying person's point of view when they relive their experiences from the spirit world, but I wanted to know and witness it for myself.
When we were told by the doctors that the moment was drawing near, my sister and I sat in her room by her side waiting, It's quite distressing watching the final process of death taking place and listening to the choke breathing; it was extremely labour intensive for mum. But, she hung on till my father eventually arrived. Then all of a sudden I beacame aware that the temperature in the room started to change and it became colder and there also appeared to be a foggy atmosphere building up, I then could see as clear as day "Robbie" my mum's favourite dog, a west highland terrier, which had died many years ago, also my mother's father whom she adored. I called out to my sister to see if she could see the same but, she was far too upset and frightened to look, I found the whole experience fascinating but also devastating at the same time.
Our grandfather had come to greet and take my mum peacefully off to the spirit world for the long awaited rest she so deserved and where her loved ones who had gone on before her could be re-united once again. She could the adjust to the transition and new environment she now found herself in. I'm sure they've been partying ever since!
When the time eventually came her spirit just sat up and rose upwards away. She was at peace with a serene look on her face and the room filled with a tremendous tranquility even though she had left her body. She was at last FREE form the metal pain, anguish and torture from my father's abusive behaviour over the years. After all, death is only birth into the spiritual realms.
I couldn't bear the fact that I would never be able to talk to mum ever again physically. She would never be able to tell me that things would be alright when I was upset or give me a cuddle at times of distress. I would never hear her laugh or get told off by her again, I knew I'd miss our telephone conversations too.
Losing a parent or someone close affects us all in different ways. The pain never goes away you just learn to live with it and in time the pain isn't so acute. You're left with an emptyness, but at least I have many fondand wonderful memories of mum and I couldn't wait for my first spiritual visit............... which I hopefully would be soon. No doubt I thought that she'll be nagging me more than ever once she's learn't of spiritual communication, which I longed for.
I once read an article about Fern Britton's depression, she said "it's like standing with your back against the shore never knowing when a wave was going to hit you" I think the same applies to bereavement.
Whilst my mother was in the rest home, each day my father visited my mother "in guilt" pretending to be the dutiful husband, fooling no one, his arrogance was unbelievable. Back at the house my father was entertaining his mistress on a regular basis, she was seen strutting around the house as if she owned it. Little did she know that my father was cheating on her also, he had been having an additional affair on the side for a year. I don't know where my father's got the energy at the age of 72! perhaps most men would be proud of his conquests. Sweet revenge for my mum though.
I don't believe couples should stay together just for the sake of it, my parents were ill matched and should have seperated years ago giving them the opportunity for self growth. I look back at both of them knowing mum condoled his behaviour over the years and think what a waste of life. What have they both achieved?????? I must certainly learn by their mistakes.
Mum often use to say "I won't always be here and you'll miss me when I'm gone". How true her words were.
Life is so precious to be enjoyed and lived to the full with no regrets.